My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
