The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
