The best revenge is premature balding
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
