why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
