Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Randomize
