They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I think I just shit out all my problems.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
