My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Randomize
