so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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