whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
