I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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