Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
