he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
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