i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
