Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
