I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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