I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
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