So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
