i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
