I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
