Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Randomize
