i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Randomize
