I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Randomize
