I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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