Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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