you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
