Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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