hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
We need to rekindle our bromance
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
