Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
