Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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