You smell like stripper and shame
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
