remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Randomize
