He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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