they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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