I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
