my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
