I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
