after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
