just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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