Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
