ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
You were trust falling into bushes
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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