Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I will pee on everything he values.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
