theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I think I have vodka in my lungs
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
