Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
