im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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