One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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