He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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