Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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