can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I have already put on my inside pants.
Randomize
