i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
