If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
My feet surprised me
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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